My Sorry for the Evening, Part 23

I'm sorry for being so quiet tonight...

This is a very hard week for me...

My life has been a snow globe shaken up.

The normalcy is visible but out of reach.

Everything hurts.

I just want the snow to settle on the bottom of the globe...

Close my eyes...rest my mind...My sincerest apologies for my silence...

This is all too much as it is...

Time to Close

I'm shutting my brain off tonight.

I've needed to do this for a while.

What's the point...

You're you...

I'm me...

I suppose that's really all I need to know.

It is what it is.

Things aren't ending...

I'm redirecting my acceptance...

Redirecting my tolerance...

Back to strength.

Time to close.

It's time for the Shut Down process

Good morning day

Good morning, you.

Rewind the tape and take me back to the part where I didn't need a power button.

Shut down the situations that made things different...

Shut down the brain to make the brain go back to the simpler situations.

Let it go...this too shall pass.

Thoughts

I'm thinking to much about the fact that I shouldn't be thinking about things.

This is very confusing...and difficult.

within my reach

I'm stretching...I'm touching the leaves...

just a bit further and I will climb into the safety of your branches.

Finding that solace...up in the top...

time to make some changes and fight myself to be happy.

Why

Why can't I stop thinking about this all...

you show me affection then leave me to rot...

but am I really rotting?

I mean, in both senses of the meaning...I know I'm fine and will be fine....so I'm not rotting away...but my brain seems to stay fixated on this situation that could or couldn't be.

That's the way I rot.

Knowing is half the battle.

rainy days and fridays

I've got two pair of shoes in my purse...one matches the outfit, the other is just too damn comfortable...can't wear either on my way to work as the rain will soak them and cause discomfort for the entire shift.

Rain brings people down, so they say...

gloomy, wet...dark.

I hope my basement doesn't flood.

that urge to cry

you hear a line from a song...you get the urge to cry...

you see a sweet moment exchanged between two or more people...you feel those tear ducts welling up...

you see something so full of beauty...you get that urge to cry...

just cry...

enjoy that urge...release...let go...just cry.

legitimate date

you can take your motorcycles and your guns...

take your sly smile and ice blue eyes...

take your compliments of my beauty...

you can take you back...

I got me...

randomness in coffee zone

-The guy working has a really attractive "look out of the corner of his eyes" look.

-we keep exchanging glances.

-totally wished he would walk over and ask for my number.

-bendy straws in a coffee shop...fabulous

-people are so much more attractive when music is playing in my headphones.

-my "g" key is stickin....it makes it seem like I'm talkin in slang all the time...gangsta is a very tricky word to type with a sticky "g"

-this song was a very definitive song in my life in relationships..."Use Somebody"

-yeah, I'm that cliche, sometimes.

-I've given up on trying to conform.

Mirror Mirror

...on the wall, why must I look to you for validation?

Why am I talking to this object?...round, circular....full of answers...full of me.

Whose the fairest of them all?

Serenity

I want to spin...

arms above my head...

singing at the top of my lungs...

skirt chasing my circular motions to keep up...

I want to spin...

I want to dance...

I want to cry...

I want to let go...

I want to feel...

Someday....oh, someday.

Someone will have the gift of me...until then, I get to enjoy me for myself...selfishly.

Settling is not an option...

Someday we will coexist together...we will want to spend so many moments of our lives together...it will be the most rewarding puzzle ever...

But until I find that piece...

I like me just fine.

The woman within

I feel beautiful...I feel passionate...I feel like a woman.

My curves showcase this woman...this walk showcases my sexuality.

I just want you to run your hands down my back...feel this skin that melts like butter under your fingertips.

Comin back home

Three months...

I walk everywhere...

the music provides my soul with a certain confidence...

My chin is high...

I feel like I belong here...

I left because it was easier than saying "No" and staying and dealing with my emotions.

I feel like my mom would be happy that I was back here...going back to the start.